Song of the Day: Heavy In Your Arms by Florence And The Machine

An utterly gorgeous song not diminished in the least by having *just* discovered that it was made for one of the Twilight films.

"This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing 
Whispering like it's a secret 
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart"

Song of the Day: Selah by Lauryn Hill

I've liked this song for years. It's a song I like to listen to when it's gloomy or melancholy. I have a memory of coming down with a cold one day early in my exchange term and just shutting off from the world for hours in my darkened room with the curtains drawn and this song on repeat while intermittently sipping tea.

The thing with music is that sometimes a song simply serves as an indulgence ... and then there are nights like tonight when I feel the lyrics very deeply. 

I’m Sorry Part Deux

Ok so while my thoughts on “I’m sorry” have definitely come to the fore in my time abroad, it also seems to be a nice segue into a discussion on blogging and guilt. Clearly, a pattern I have is that I don’t post often as I’d like, then I post something along the lines of ‘whoopsie! I’m back and I’ll try to be more regular’.

The truth is that while I get random passers-by, I actually know less than a handful of readers of this blog. Intentionally. From the go, I wanted this to be a repository for my thoughts, so to speak, and it has remained mainly for me, as I want to. And yet, it is almost incredible that I can feel guilt about something that has no deadline and no one to whom I am responsible. It is most definitely not high on my list of things I feel guilty about but that it’s there is, I feel, a reflection of my nature.

And so, I’ve decided to approach blogging differently. Until now, I felt such guilt for not blogging about my big move as I wanted to, but to hell with it. Instead of it being a journal on my time abroad, it shall now a reflection after the fact. I shall no longer think about to what extent and to what detail I write, but simply post without guilt.

To myself, I’m no longer sorry ;)

I'm Sorry

So here’s a story. Yesterday, a Scandinavian I was strolling with dropped his umbrella and I reflexively said “I’m sorry”. It’s only too true that Canadians have a special relationship with the phrase “I’m sorry”.

Sometimes, like anyone else we mean it and we are genuinely apologetic. But sometimes, like in the above scenario, it just comes out of our mouths before we know it.

Other times, it’s just something that’s said in certain situations. For example, should you accidentally come into contact with strangers (i.e., they bump you or the other way around), in either scenario you would say “I’m sorry”. This can certainly seem strange to non-Canadians - “why would I apologize when clearly he bumped into me?” The thing is, 99% of the time, it’s accidental and both of you saying you’re sorry is just a quick way of acknowledging the accidental contact and saying it’s ok. So, to translate, the person who did the bumping - the bumper, if you will, is actually apologizing when they say “I’m sorry”. And by also apologizing, what the bumpee is saying can be roughly translated to “oh, no worries, it’s ok!”

Truly, I did get frustrated when living in Norway (especially in the beginning) where people bump into you with nary a word. And I was pretty ticked that time after time I would reflexively apologize for them bumping into me and get nothing back. I know that it’s just cultural and not personal, but it was still annoying to deal with.

A German friend once pointed out that I said “I’m sorry” a lot. My immediate response was to say sorry. I swear, I was not being an ass. Once more, it was just a reflex and it came out of my mouth before I knew it. Again, I wasn’t truly sorry that I said sorry a lot. That is not something I’d like to change, even after living abroad. Especially after living abroad. It’s something I very much like about Canadian culture.

The thing is, most of the time when we say we’re sorry we don’t really mean it, it’s just a social politeness that’s quite nice. It greases the social wheels so to speak. You can never go wrong with saying sorry as much as we do because even when you don’t necessarily mean it deeply, it’s not a “bad” thing to say.

Better said than unsaid.

So, when the aforementioned Scandinavian noticed that particular Canadian-ism and remarked that it made him miss Canada, I was definitely pleased to hear it. After so many frustrating moments (this very morning I was pushed aside just so someone could enter a bus before me), it was nice that our “apologetic” nature was appreciated.

So, go forth my chickens and grease those wheels.

Favourite Quotes (6)

I don't think I would consider this one of my favourite quotes, but at the moment it rings true:

It's better to regret what you've done than what you haven't.

The Beginning Of A Norwegian Adventure!

 

It has been so long since I blogged that I actually really miss my blog. I occupy a tiny, little corner of the internet that doesn’t matter much. This blog is not “publicized” and it isn’t particularly focused with a theme and so I am often surprised that I even get page views. I honestly don’t know a single soul beside my siblings who reads my blog. The point I am trying to make is that I blog simply for myself. I consider it a time capsule of sorts, capturing whatever random thing amuses me for the moment. I stopped blogging back in March of 2012 because I left on a three week trip and I just haven’t been back because quite a lot happened in my life that I was hoping to eventually document in some way here. So, I am back to blogging and I hope my posting can be somewhat regular again.

In March/April of 2012, I went on a fantastic vacation with some pretty awesome people – my sisters. We’ve all been to England but never together. So, with this trip we started in Ireland, seeing Galway, Killarney and Dublin; made our way to Edinburgh, Scotland; and finished in England, visiting York, Bath and London. It was quite a trip, but it was amazing with so many memories that I am so glad to share with my sisters. What made the trip even more special was that we got to visit York, which is where one of my sisters was studying for the year. More importantly, we visited Bath, which is very special to me. I studied abroad at Bath during my undergrad and ever since I left, I felt that it was a distant home of sorts. Since my time there 6 years ago, my desire to go back was getting progressively stronger and it was incredible to show what I considered ‘my city’ to my sisters who had never been there before. Overall, I can’t say enough about how great this trip was and I have to give a special shout out and tusen takk to my Badodo :)

***

On this trip I received news that more or less began a new chapter in my life. To be precise, I was sitting on my hostel bed in Dublin when I got the email that I had been admitted to a masters program in Norway. I was admitted to the same program the previous year but for many reasons I was unable to go – and, more importantly, I was very unsure as to whether I wanted to go. So, I declined my admission with the intention of thinking it over and reapplying. I, unfortunately, am one of those people who can take forever to make a decision if it is an important one and this was a particularly difficult one to make. Needless to say, I still hadn’t made a decision by the time I applied and by the time I was accepted I was in only a slightly different position than the year before. This time I was able to attend but I was still very unsure if I wanted to attend.

This was a somewhat difficult time of my life because it required me to make a decision that required significant commitment of effort, resources and time (2 years) that once started I couldn’t really back out of and it could potentially shape my future into a direction that I was not entirely sure about.

Before I knew it, I accepted admission and the entire summer before I left to Norway I was wrought with uncertainty and unease – the kind I was not used to. Anyways, it got to the point where my family and friends were pretty damn annoyed. At first they we’re like ‘just make a decision’ and when I did they were like ‘it’s going to be better than you think! It’s going to be great, just you see’. In the end I think I made the decision for some right reasons and some maybe not-so-right reasons and it’s fair enough that there are some things I like about my life in Norway and other things I don’t.****

A common question that Norwegians ask is “why Norway?” and it’s a fair question. Norway isn’t a particularly common destination for many people, which is why I guess Norwegians tend to be a little surprised and curious about one’s reasons for coming to Norway. Every time I answer that question I think back to that time from January 2011 when I first applied up until I boarded the plane. In fact, the first time someone asked me that question I didn’t expect it and all I could think was how the fuck did I end up here? And I can’t tell you how often it happens that I look out the window of my room and wonder about the series of events that led me to Norway.

So, on the 11^th of August, 2012, I began my unexpected Norwegian adventure.

***Addendum: I started writing this post about a year ago and my feelings have since evolved.

Everybody (Ikarus' Back)

In recognition of my terribly long hiatus - here is a wonderful blast from the past :)